At my parent’s house, in the fairly early morning. Mom is reading the newspaper. Dad is still asleep. Taylor has gone off to do whatever it is that Taylor does in the early mornings.
Mom: “You can change the channel if you want. Here…what do you want to watch?”
Me: “Dunno. Scroll down. Uhhh…there’s MSNBC. We could watch the news. Oh! Spanish soap operas. Nice. We could watch some Spanish soaps, or as they call them, lavar espanol.
Mom: “Ha! I think I’ll pass. Maybe that show is on TLC. The clothes show.”
Me: “What Not To Wear?”
Mom: “Yeah, maybe it’s on. Do they play it on Sundays?”
Me: “Maybe. It’s possible that OH OH OH OH!”
Me: “Scroll back up! BACK UP! Riiiight….there! There is a show called Shark Vacuum. That is the show we should watch.
Mom: “Shark Vacuum? Where…oh! There is a show called Shark Vacuum. My goodness.”
Me: “TURN IT ON TURN IT ON.”
Mom: “I guarantee you that it isn’t what you think it is.”
Me: “What? Why? What do you think I think it is?”
Mom: “I would guess…a shark that vacuums, or a vacuum that sucks up sharks.”
Me: “That is precisely what I think it is, and that is why we need to watch it.”
Mom: “Okaaay, if you really want…”
TV: “…why we’ve gotta put a limit on these today! They’re gonna sell fast, I promise you, so get your phone ready! Gosh, I tell ya, Marlene, I was really surprised by this fine product. It’ll clean up crumbs, it’ll clean up spills, it’s just voracious! That’s why they call it the Shark, huh? Hahaha!”
Mom: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “No…no, it’s okay. Let’s just watch Cats 101 again.”