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and now for another episode of: “jessica talks to crazies”

21 Feb

RING.

RING.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Jessica’s Work].  This is Jessica.”

Guy: “Hi, yeah.  Uhhhh.  Uh.  Ummmm.”

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Guy: “Yeah, I’m calling about…uhhhh.  About [property].”

Me: “Oh.  Well, that property is actually not currently on the market.  It hasn’t been for a while.”

Guy: “Uhhh. Um.  Ummmmmm.  Okay.  Are they renting it?”

Me: “No, not currently.  Are you interested in similar homes?  We have-”

Guy: “Are they going to sell it again?”

Me: “Actually, I don’t have that information.  Would you like me to forward you to-”

Guy: “They’re gonna sell it again.  They’ll hike up the price and they’ll try to sell it again.”

Me: “Well, I really couldn’t tell you.  Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Guy: “Noooo, uh.  Umm.  I’m just going through these old houses I marked off and…yeah.  It sounds like….uh.  Sounds like a dead end I guess.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry.  I could put you through to [Jessica’s Boss] if you have any more-”

Guy: “When do I get my million dollars to buy five houses with?”

Me: “(Laughs uneasily).  I don’t know.  When you get it, let me know so I can get mine.  Thanks for calling.”

Guy: “Have you made any million dollar blunders?”

Me: “What?”

Guy: “Have you ever screwed up and cost people millions of dollars?  Millions and millions?”

Me: “Uh, me personally?”

Guy: “Yeah, YOU.  YOU.  Have you ever screwed people out of millions of dollars?”

Me: “Er, no.  I have not.”

Guy: “That’s your problem.  It’s what you gotta do now, you gotta screw people out of the money.  You gotta get millions of dollars and then tell people it’s a shrewd investment, a shrewd investment.  That’s the thing.  Shrewd investments, and then you get their money, and you get so much money that the government will give you trillions of dollars.”

Me: “Wow.  Well, sounds like you know how this works.”

Guy: “Once you screw people out of their money the government gives you whatever you want.  Trillions.  That’s how you make money.  Get the government to give it to you.  Shrewd investments.”

Me: “That’s…very useful information.  Thank you.”

Guy: “Get it?  Do you get it?”

Me: “I understand.  That’s valuable knowledge.”

Guy: “Gotta start screwing people early.”

Me: “Right.  I’ll file that away.  Thanks for cal-”

Guy: “UHHHHHH OKAY BYE.”

CLICK.

This has been another exciting episode of Jessica Talks To Crazies.

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3 Comments

Posted by on February 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

3 responses to “and now for another episode of: “jessica talks to crazies”

  1. Kendra

    February 21, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Forget Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman. This guy is a financial genius! I smell ‘book deal’…

     
  2. Liz Hodgson

    February 21, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    It sounds like you had a conversation with my former boss. He’d spend hours talking AT me about how stupid the world is and that if people just came to him for advice they would know how to build a car, make lots and lots of money, and to better understand Hitler’s reason for murdering millions of people.

     
  3. Jen

    February 21, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    Could have been worse – he could have then tried to get you to invest with him. 🙂

     

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