So, I was reading Laura’s post about Christmas cookies this morning, and I was struck with a sudden sense of…I don’t know…ennui?
Whenever I have an emotion that I don’t really know how to name, I just call it ennui. I’m not even entirely sure what ennui means. When other people use it, I just go, “Oh yes, ennui, I have experienced that numerous times. I know exactly the particular phenomenon that you mean. Yes. Yes. Indeedy I do.” Because the type of person that uses the word ‘ennui’ accurately is undoubtedly smarter than me, and I don’t want them to suspect that the bulk of my vocabulary comes from Chip N’ Dale Rescue Rangers and my grandma.
But anyway, Christmas has somehow crept up on me this year. I am usually ridiculously excited about the holidays, and I start these festivities like, a month early. I am the obnoxious person in your office wearing antlers on December 1st. When you leave your TPS reports on the copier I am the one that brings them to you with a mischievous finger-waggle and says, “Someone’s getting COAL in their stocking this year!” My kitchen is usually a veritable pantheon of sugar cookies, fudge and truffles, all bound for the friends and family that I am so thankful for.
Somehow, though, I missed a step in all that this year. I got excited around Thanksgiving, and then I sort of went, “Welp, I got a month. Better dig in for the long haul,” but now the long haul has become the terrifyingly short haul and I find myself at a loss.
Internet, I have only bought one Christmas present so far this year, and that is for Taylor. I haven’t even been to the mall in weeks. I have been thinking of these things, in the way that one thinks about building a deck or travelling to Paris someday. Really, though, I am behind the times and I am going to have to scramble to catch up.
I think it’s because of moving. The other day Laura told me that moving was probably stressing me out more than I thought it was, and I am starting to think that maybe she’s right. Whenever I am in our apartment now, all I can see everywhere are things that are not packed yet. Yesterday I spent the day trying to clean in preparation for the big push, but that turned into me picking up the living room and dining room and then watching about five hours of bad anime. I did get my action figures packed up. The filled only a very small box (not counting the Robo Raptor and my sweet Nerf gun) and I took the time to flatten them all out on their backs, with their arms and legs at their sides so that they would properly fit. It looked like a little mass grave of Aquamen and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, with a single melancholy stuffed Bidoof thrown in there like a cat in an Egyptian tomb. It was all very depressing and so that was all the packing I did for the day.
With all the worrying about packing and scheduling appointments to deal with my stupid car wreck stuff and the general whirlwind that is my daily job, I kind of haven’t had time to get festive yet.
So today I’m turning on some of my favorite Christmas songs and eating Christmas cookies and tonight I am going to make lists of the things that I want to get for people for the holidays. Solidify those percolating daydreams into something that I can wrap in a box and mail to Seattle or what have you.
Are you guys feeling the holiday spirit this year?