the baby hungries

15 Oct

I am twenty three years old.

I am entirely too young to have a kid.

Don’t worry, Mom.  I’m not pregnant.  Not even a little bit.  Sorry to scare you…I can see how the opening I just used there might be the start of a conversation that would end in, “So, I need ten thousand dollars for prenatal care and Doritos.”  I just wanted to emphasize that while there are many people my age who are fantastic mothers, I would not be one, and I am aware of that.

The issue is that every once in awhile I still get what an old friend of mine refers to as ‘the baby hungries’.

It’s a peculiar phenomenon that strikes without warning.  I will be happily going about my day in my decidedly unmarried lifestyle, all spending eighty bucks on colored pencils and drinking irresponsibly while I draw pictures of ducks, and then it hits.  Some lady or dude walks by with a little bundle of cute.  I make eye contact with said bundle of cute, and suddenly my ovaries are punching me in the head shouting, “WE WANT ONE WE WANT ONE.  WHY DON’T WEEEEE HAVE ONE.”

For the next week or so after this occurrence, babies are goddamn EVERYWHERE.  Grocery shopping?  Baby.  Restaurant?  Baby.  Taking a walk?  Baby.  Even in the comfort of my own home, if I leave the windows open too long inevitably there will be a baby at the bus stop, staring me down with its big blue eyes.

“What?” Taylor asks, noticing that I am not paying attention to the episode of Anthony Bourdain we are watching

“Sorry,” I say.  “I can’t hear anything over the sound of my ovaries screaming.”

It is like a baby epidemic.  It seems like a well-coordinated conspiracy.  No matter where I go, I will be followed by a snuggly army of wuvvable widdle tykes, wielding their teething rings and footy pajamas as dangerous implements in the Reproductive Wars.

Just as it seems like I am about to be drowned in the unstoppable Tide Of Babies, they all vanish.  My Facebook clears of baby photos like clouds dissipating after a heavy rain.  The stores are once again filled with the college students and aging hippies that my town loves so well, and there is nary a cry to be heard in the hallowed halls of our favorite eateries.  My rampaging ovaries, having little fuel for their tirade, quiet down and go back to doing whatever they were doing before, and allow me to remember that a baby would be fun for like ten minutes until I realized that it can’t do its own laundry.

I reiterate, I am not ready to have a kid of my own, but my hormones are doing their darndest to convince me otherwise.

Anyone else get crazy cases of the baby hungries?  Am I alone on this?


Posted by on October 15, 2010 in Uncategorized


15 responses to “the baby hungries

  1. sarah

    October 15, 2010 at 7:05 am

    fyi: for me it got real loud in my early twenties, quieted for most of my late twenties, and is just starting to go “um, now now NOW before it’s too laaaaaaaaate!!!” this might have to do with spending much of my late twenties in extremely non-baby-making-friendly situations. but anyway, my point is: if you make it to your early 30s without having one, those ovaries are going to stop punching and start pulling out the sledgehammers.

  2. Mindy

    October 15, 2010 at 7:55 am

    And the fact that you bring it up now is just another sign of BABIES EVERYWHERE for me. I’m 27. Been married for 9 1/2 months. I’m SOOO ready for a baby. Everyone around me is pregnant or just had babies. Cursed Facebook for informing me of everyone else I know that doesn’t live close by that are having babies. Girls I grew up with have FOUR already .. one girl pregnant with her fifth (but then she started with two sets of twins). When is it MY turn?!

    • Alexandra

      October 15, 2010 at 11:31 am

      OMG Mindy I just clicked on your link for a quick peek. I love your artwork. (except for the portraits, but that is entirely my problem – I’ve always been that way about human faces: if it’s not a photograph it freaks me out)

      I love the deep dark colors. I’m coming back when I have more time to browse.


  3. amanda

    October 15, 2010 at 9:10 am

    I work in a baby store, which is both a cause and a cure for the baby hungries. I see adorable babies all day; their chubby little cheeks, gummy smiles, and teeny tiny clothes just make my ovaries want to reach out and grab them.

    And then an obviously heavily medicated mom zombie-lurches in, shrieking toddler in tow. Watching kids throw temper tantrums and — the worst sound in the world: NEWBORN BABY CRYING (guaranteed to induce a migraine in less than 1 minute) — and the last thing I want is a baby. I don’t even think I can handle a cat at that point.

    Naturally, once the screaming little hell beast is finally dragged out of the store, an infant-sized ball of ADORABLE comes in and smiles at me and the cycle starts all over.

  4. Alexandra

    October 15, 2010 at 11:25 am

    I *love* kids. I was a live-in Nanny from age sixteen to twenty-six. I took care of babies and children of all ages and enjoyed my time with them immensely.

    Thankfully my ovaries were there to witness the frazzled working parents who desperately needed help from a good caregiver.

    And my ovaries have kept their mouths shut ever since, knowing I ‘did my time’ and that I did NOT want to be a frazzled working, or stay-at-home, parent.

    Now I get to keep all of my money and freedom – and as a result my husband and I are retiring early and will sail the ocean on our Trawler.

    Just know thyself. Well. Even if you get the baby hungries, check your head often to make sure it’s a good fit for you.

    Do you want the adventures the world has to offer, or the wild adventures of parenthood?

    P.S. Know that they never sop being your offspring. Even after they leave the house. Unless you raised them to no longer need you, they will still need you. Do you want to be strapped to your kid forever? Some people do..

    • Jessica

      October 15, 2010 at 11:30 am

      I started writing a long comment about why I know that I eventually do want children, but then I thought, why not just do another blog post and open it up for comments there?

      Thanks for the idea, Alexandra!

    • sarah

      October 15, 2010 at 12:00 pm

      ummm, i think that this is a dangerous but common line of thinking. only because i do think it’s possible to sail the ocean or travel all over or live in a tent for a year or do whatever you are going to do WITH a child (or several). it requires a little more money and a somewhat more careful planning, and it’s definitely not the same experience, but i do think it’s sad that most people think it absolutely has to be a choice – as though the logic is that having babies absolutely and necessarily means never having the “freedom” to do awesome stuff. you can make sure your career lines up with having lots of time and non-frazzledness. you can homeschool a kid as you’re traveling all over the world. you can NOT buy all of the “necessary” baby/kid toys/devices/accessories and save a ton of your money. i’m not saying it’s possible or easy, and i’m not saying that anyone who doesn’t want kids should reconsider. just that someone wistfully thinking “gee, i really want to have kids but i also really want to have some adventures” can find a way to have both, if s/he wants it bad enough.

      • Alexandra

        October 15, 2010 at 2:53 pm

        Sarah you are absolutely correct! I’m so glad you pointed that out. People do that with their kids and I think it is totally awesome and brave for all involved. What a great experience for their kids to have!

        But it’s not for the faint-hearted. And it can be overwhelming if you don’t plan well and educate yourself. And there is SO MUCH to think about and plan for, the parents really have to know their stuff.

        For me it would be totally overwhelming. And I’m glad I know that about myself.

        Good luck to all!

  5. Jen

    October 15, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Totally guilty of the baby hungries! I got them once in a while when I was your age. Now? It’s like a weekly occurence. It’s really freaky because I’m mentally swatting my ovaries with a rolled up newspaper going, “No! We don’t have the money! We’re trying to pay the MORTGAGE! CUT IT OUT!” and I keep being surrounded by adorable little ones (including the three sweet girls who live next door to us). It’s insane.

  6. Alice

    October 15, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    I have the same thing except about cats (and it probably doesn’t originate in my ovaries). Probably once I get a cat and the novelty wears off, I’ll start wanting a baby.

    But I HAVE noticed the phenomenon where babies and pregnant ladies show up EVERYWHERE for a couple weeks, then disperse again. I wonder where they all go?

  7. Vanessa

    October 16, 2010 at 7:35 am

    I feel like last year was an entire year of the baby hungries for me. I’m not really sure why, since– and I know this is blasphemy– I don’t think babies are that cute. So really it was more of the toddler hungries, I guess, but I definitely had small humans on the brain.

    Since you mentioned Facebook, though, my friends and schoolmates seem to be at that age where everyone is getting engaged. Everyone. And it’s making me impatient. Bless Luke’s badgered soul for putting up with me shoving my laptop in his face and shrilling about how cute these people are.

    • Vanessa

      October 16, 2010 at 7:36 am

      Another thing: puppy hungries. I. Want. Puppy. Now.

  8. maidominna

    October 16, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    YES. Although I’m in japan so there are less children to be seen so you think it wouldn’t be as bad…but somehow it just means that every one you do see hits with double potency. it’s not faiiirrrrrrrr…

  9. Kelly

    October 17, 2010 at 8:09 am

    I think every young woman I know gets the baby hungries, except for me. I just don’t *understand* babies. I don’t even want to hold them, I just do it so I don’t offend the people holding babies out to me.

    The puppy hungries are the WORST though.

  10. Rebecca

    October 19, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    I never had the baby hungries until I recently got married (8-9-10). This is a second marriage for me and now that I have the right guy I definitely want to try having a little one. Especially since now I am in my early 30s it seems my ovaries are really pushing me. LOL


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