Today I have a migraine.
Surprise of the year! This is big news, people. Jessica has a migraine. Alert the media! This is bigger than the realization that Italy looks like a boot, or that people who claim to ironically love Pokemon really just love Pokemon.
This morning when I woke up at four A.M. (the realization that something was pounding its way out of my skull coming in slow waves) I realized that I had forgotten to write a blog post. Taylor came in to comfort me in my time of need at eight, and by comfort I mean he brought me pills and a glass of water, and sat there to make sure I would drink the whole thing because I am ten years old and wouldn’t have otherwise. He fixed the blinds so that the slats pointed up instead of down, to get the room marginally darker, and let me lay in his lap for a little bit so that I could more easily whine about my horrible lot in life. O, tragedy! O, woe! We have enough to eat, jobs that supports us, a roof over our heads, but sometimes I feel yucky. O, Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?
“Is there anything you want me to do?” Taylor asked, playing with my hair. I groaned and pulled the blankets up over my head. “My morning is your morning,” he went on. “What do you need me to do?”
“Uhhh, you could write a blog post for me,” I said. “Yeah, that would be great!”
“Like, a guest post?”
“Yeah! You could write about ‘What To Do When Your Girlfriend Has a Migraine’. People would love that. I bet people would really like to hear from you.”
Taylor swallowed thickly and fidgeted.
“Uh, I…n-no, I don’t think so,” he said.
“Why not? It would be great!”
“Oh, c’mon. People would be really nice to you.”
“I know, I just…I’m shy.”
I left it there. The species Taylorus Domesticus is a reserved and retiring creature, and I have no desire to take it out of its natural element. I like it too much as it is.
Taylor brought me my computer so I could write it myself, so here it is.
Saturday Jane Proudly Presents: What You Should Do When Your Girlfriend Has A Migraine
1. Anything she tells you to.
This has been: What You Should Do When Your Girlfriend Has A Migraine
Enjoy your evening, and have a pleasant tomorrow.