I’m not what you would call a…fashionable person.
Don’t get me wrong. I’d like to be. Most of my favorite blogs are style blogs (hello, friends, hello!) and I periodically pick up issues of Glamour magazine and read them front to back, but somehow it never really pulls together. No matter how many trends I try, no matter how many hair tricks I tackle or online skin tone analyses I undertake, I inevitably look like five feet of potatoes wrapped in your grandma’s gardening clothes.
Potatoes of the world, I am not trying to insult you. You are a noble starch, and you are very sexy to other root vegetables, I’m sure.
I think a big part of my consternation is not being able to decide on my own style identity. When I go to the store, it’s easy for me to walk through the women’s department and say, “Oh, that shirt looks like Laura. Those shoes look like Tess. Those earrings are utterly Brittney.” When I’m seriously looking for myself, however, all of these individual pieces blend together in an incomprehensible tornado of “OMGSTUFF”. After a long day at Ross, I have nightmares about drowning in jeans and wake up screaming about the appropriate month to start wearing sandals. It’s just not hardwired into my system.
In an effort to try to coordinate my style identity, I have crafted the two Very Scientific diagrams below, analyzing my style aspirations and when I just look like ass. Note that none of my style issues really have to do with my body. I’m not waiting to be thinner here, or taller, or less pale. It’s all an issue of what I put on. Take a look, and offer your own thoughts.