You guys, I have come to a conclusion.
After roughly a week of intensive research, I can say without any shred of doubt that having a healthy lifestyle sucks balls.
Taylor and I made a rather halfhearted resolution to be healthier this year. This is less a ‘THIS IS THE YEAR WE STOP BUTTERING BREAD” kind of thing, and more of a, “Maybe we should try eating less popcorn chicken,” kind of thing. We are about a week in, and I am already sick and tired of it.
Every day, I have gone to the gym. I have gotten on that damn cardiowhatsit and pumped my legs in increasingly awkward motions to get my heart rate up. I have worn the stretchy pants and run in the sneakers, and worked on my “Oh, me? Just exercising,” expression. As of this moment, I am okay with the gym. It seems like an okay place, and even though my week of sweating profusely hasn’t produced any specific results, I am told that I just have to keep at it.
Okay. Fair enough. So I will.
What really exacerbates me is coming home from the gym, opening the freezer, and not finding any Hot Pockets. What kind of society do we live in, where ‘healthy’ means that I am no longer allowed to eat Hot Pockets, or consume barbeque sauce right out of the bottle? I’ll tell you what kind of society.
A shitty society.
Full of tofu wraps and brussel sprouts and food that isn’t dyed somehow. It makes me sick to open our refrigerator and be confronted with tomatoes, lettuce, and fish instead of forty-two cans of Diet Coke. The high fructose corn syrup is slowly flowing out of my veins, and every morning I wake up a little less saturated with fat and slightly more hydrated than I was the day before. I tell you, people, it is a meager sort of life to live.
Really, though, it is a step that needs taking. Taylor and I have always talked about wanting to establish healthier habits before we get married. We both want to be the sort of people that get a rush from going to the gym, or who crave arugula rather than chili-cheese Fritos. We want to be able to teach our kids how to exercise and eat properly from Day One, but to do that, we need to be pretty good at it ourselves.
Hopefully, this is the start of something good. I am relying on my ever-vocal sense of frugality to keep me going to the gym (since I’m paying for it anyway, dadgummet!) and Taylor has so far been my culinary conscience. If we keep this up, we should have that boundless sort of run-through-the-fields and build-houses-while-laughing-uproariously-at-nothing energy and feeling of goodwill that people in Kashi commercials have. I’m looking forward to that.
Also? Looking forward to going up a flight of stairs without needing a breather halfway.
That’s a motivator too.
What about you folks? Are you doing something different this year, or have you always been healthful little bumblebees?