of course you know, this means war

12 Sep

I was pretty lucky to get a job where I got a job.  The office is clean and well cared for, my co-workers are responsible and cheerful, and on Wednesdays there is sometimes free cobbler in the lobby.  It’s a pleasant kind of place to spend eight hours a day.

There is a single drawback, however, to working in a successful real estate office.  My work has what we will call  a lack of generational diversity.  The startling majority of my coworkers are the sort of people who feel that large floral prints are the last word in fashion.  Walking back to my office every morning is like stalking through a jungle of tapered khakis and clogs.  These outfits are all well-designed, yes, and my co-workers are all classy looking people, but the fact is that I am the youngest individual in the realty by far and it shows in my daily dress and habits.

At least I was the youngest individual in the realty.


So there I was in a pair of (straight leg) khakis and a cerulean shirt, sauntering up to the coffee pot.  I filled my cup with joe and, clutching the portable phone that is forever attached to my being, I began tiptoeing back.  I am famous for spilling scalding coffee onto my fingers, and so the Coffee Walk has become sort of a challenge, watched shrewdly by the real estate agents as they peek at me out of their cubicles and offices.

So I’m walking down the hallway, slow as a one legged dog, and I hear brisk footsteps behind me.  Fine.  Okay.  Go ahead, person, pass me.  There is a swift breeze as my as of yet unrecognized coworker sweeps past, and as I catch a glimpse of her, I feel first a rush of surprise, and then jealousy.

She was adorable.

Probably about my age, she had long curly hair and tan arms.  She wore a swingy pleated skirt, a black cardigan, and purple ballet flats that immaculately, IMMACULATELY matched the purple of her lacey camisole.  Who was this fashion icon?  Where was she from?  Why hadn’t I SEEN her before?  She was carrying a binder back into an agent’s office.  As she turned to shut the door, she caught my eye.  I grinned broadly, out of habit.  Her mouth twitched in an instinctual return of goodwill, though I wouldn’t call it a smile, and she shut the door.

I seethed inwardly as I shuffled my hot coffee back to my office.

How dare she, I thought.  How dare she?!  Who does she think she is, being young and cute and trendier than me, with her awesome hair and her stupid flawless tan?  Her existence, her very presence there in the office was an act of war.  Conservative realties have little room for young, hip, post-ironic secretaries.

There can be only one.

Monday, I am going back there.  No ill-fitting, glue-stained khakis for me. I am going to be stylin’.  I am going to be hot.  I am going to be classy as all get out, and I am going to show this…this person, this girl who has the gall to out-modern me that I am the Real Estate Secretary Champion Of Cool.

Oh, it’s on, sister.

It’s on.


Posted by on September 12, 2009 in Life


Tags: , , , , , , ,

7 responses to “of course you know, this means war

  1. Vanessa

    September 12, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    I hope you crush her sense of cool into the GROUND! You can do it!

    P.S. Last night there were a bunch of drunk people singing “No Scrubs” outside my dorm at 2 AM. This song cannot be escaped.

    • saturdayjane

      September 13, 2009 at 10:25 am

      “NO! I don’t want no scrub! A scrub is a guy who can’t GET! NO! LOVE! FROM! ME!”

      Aw, you poor thing. Nobody should be subjected to that.

  2. Anonymous

    September 12, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    I just want you to know that I love your blog, and think you are both hilarious and talented. Keep on keepin’ on!

    • saturdayjane

      September 13, 2009 at 10:23 am

      Well, thank you, masked stranger! 🙂 That really makes my day.

  3. James

    September 13, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Don’t forget your Argyles!

    No, but seriously, go forth and rock some outfits. This apparition won’t know what hit her.

  4. lisa

    September 13, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    You are a neverending source of hilarity and she couldn’t even muster up a decent smile. No contest. 😉

  5. Sarah-Rose

    September 13, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    Seriously. I think you can take her.

    I had the same situation in my office. It was boys, older ladies, and then me. THEN! a girl just a few years older than me started. But she is very into “office wear” (and quite openly admits she has no style) and then a girl my age started. But she is very into casual/tomboy type office wear. I still win!
    AND THEN! a beautiful, statuesque lady started who wears the chic (bordering on staid) office wear and often times makes me feel squat and shlumpy.

    But at least one lady in the office thinks I’m “Just SO Styley”. Which I think might be worse.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: