Dear Whoever Found My Blog By Searching For The Term ‘Horf Swiss’,
Friendly soul, I do not know who you are. I do not know where you come from, or your face, or the things you think about before you fall asleep. I do not know how well you treat your mother. I do not know how much ketchup you put on your fries, or whether you volunteer, or whether you’ve ever been kissed. I don’t even know your name.
I do know that I would probably marry you, based entirely on the awesomeness of your internet searches.