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when did i spell ‘tights’ as ‘tites’?

12 Jul

If I consolidate the information that leads people to Saturday Jane, we may safely assume I am the following sort of person:

I am currently Hawaiian Ellen Paige with a mullet and an adorable turned-up nose.  The nose somewhat cancels out the seedy warts sprouting across my person, warts that could be potentially removed with the pocket knife that I keep in my ultracute omg tites.  The only things I like better than my tites are Riker, ryker, Cmdr William T. Riker from TNG and his evil twin Williem Riker.*  I hope all of these Rikers like my shortcute hair pulled back ponytail long, which sounds like a paradoxical hairstyle, I know, but my friends, you just have to see it.  It’s hotttt.  Goes well with a good bare bottom smacked.

And since we’re on the topic of smacking bare bottoms, could I offer you any of my’free viagra please please?

Anyway, if I can’t seduce my many Rikers with my hair, there are always my sexy asses (the more asses the better), my talent for reciting the Jabberwocky, or I could always seduce him with my telepathic conversation.  We could converse about wart pus or arby’s commercials or argyle slip on shoes, as I am a recognized expert in all of these things.

Aw, who am I kidding?  If I want to bag a Riker I will have to consult my brother the sci-fi addict and ask how he managed to impress all those Japanese girls.  He may just suggest using my gallery of Picard jpegs though.

Nothing screams ‘my best day of my life‘ more than Picard with hair.

*Okay, well, I guess it could be said that Riker already has an evil twin as a result of a freak cloning accident that left a precise copy of him alone on a planet for seven years, only to be picked up later by the USS Enterprise so that he could begin a life in Star Fleet using his middle name, Thomas.  This is short lived, however, as he later joins the Maqi.  I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry, Mom.

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9 Comments

Posted by on July 12, 2009 in Snippet

 

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9 responses to “when did i spell ‘tights’ as ‘tites’?

  1. Kitty

    July 13, 2009 at 5:05 am

    You know when you’re laughing so hard that you can’t breath, and eventually become incapable of making any sound for lack of breath, resulting in a silent convulsion of some kind? Yeah. I’m so there right now.

     
    • saturdayjane

      July 13, 2009 at 11:19 am

      Hahaha! Oh, that’s great! It makes my day to make somebody laugh so hard.

       
  2. Sal

    July 13, 2009 at 8:46 am

    Wow. Turns out you are a weird and slightly gross person. Who knew?

     
    • saturdayjane

      July 13, 2009 at 11:20 am

      Yeah, sorry to destroy your perception of me. I didn’t even get into the REALLY good stuff! 😉

       
  3. lisa

    July 13, 2009 at 10:17 am

    Hawaiian Ellen Paige? Really? I learn something new about you every day.

     
    • saturdayjane

      July 13, 2009 at 11:21 am

      Yes, I am really quite popular in the Maui Players production of Juno.

       
  4. Brittney

    July 13, 2009 at 10:32 am

    This is 100% accurate. I can verify!

     
    • saturdayjane

      July 13, 2009 at 11:21 am

      Thank you! Your authenticity is noted.

       
  5. Anonymous

    February 16, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    COOL***>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>;;;;;;::
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

     

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