I am pretty afraid of the dark.
The hallway is usually the issue. Let me explain. This week I am staying at my parents house while we prepare to finish moving in to the apartment, and I tend to have…an issue, in my parent’s house. I am usually the last one in my family to go to bed. This means that my father, who is the second last person to go to bed, shuts off all of the lights (except the laundry) and shambles down the hallway. I turn on the family room lamp, and sit in my island of safety, pondering what things lurk in the shadows.
I have developed a very specific process to maximize not getting mauled by fictional monsters on my way to bed. Here, let me explain it to you by way of this handy floor plan of our house:
Yes yes, I know it is an awful diagram. But not get my degree in diagramming! If you are here for beautiful, well made diagrams, well, sir, you should go elsewhere. Oh! Can’t forget the key, so the colors make sense.
And now, the process. Please correlate the numbers to the above graph.
- Turn on lamp.
- Turn on kitchen overhead light.
- Turn off laundry light.
- Turn off lamp.
- Turn on hallway light.
- Turn off kitchen overhead light.
- Turn on bedroom light.
- Turn off hallway light.
- Turn off bedroom light and go to sleep.
This process has been time tested and put through many variations. There were points when I felt I could speed up the process by eliminating the kitchen light, but then I would find myself stuck between zombies and things that crawl on ceilings without any brightly lit Way Of Safety, and I would have to run for it. I have learned that it is best to not mess with the method.
I have long given up any attempts at curing my fear of the dark. Horror movies will continue to frighten me, i will spend many harrowing nights having to pee without the courage to get to the bathroom. It is just the way that my life goes, and I am at peace with it, especially knowing that I am not alone in my terror.
How about you all? What are you afraid is hanging out in the dark when you go to bed at night?