9:35 – Linnaea, Laura, and Krista find themselves unable to open a bottle of Arbor Mist Sangria. This is perhaps a portent.
9:38 – With the aid of pliers, the bottle is opened.
9:39 – We all decide this is TERRIBLE Sangria. Apparently instead of mixing juice with red wine, they mixed it with a Zinfandel. I don’t really have any idea what that means, except that it tastes like socks.
9:40 – We coerce Lauren to finish the bottle of wine. I tell her I’ll give her a dollar. She demands I devote blog post to her instead. As the older person in this situation, I suddenly feel as though I shouldn’t be encouraging this, but I figure, eh, this is barely even wine.
Lauren: Can I have a cup?
Lauren: I am building strength right now. This Sangria is killing my weaker parts.
Laura: My drink is delicious. I hope you’re having fun.
Lauren: My drink is character building.
Lauren: I once barfed while singing Kelly Clarkson.
Me: Oh. Wait. Did you say ‘barf’ or ‘LARP’?
Lauren: Barf, definitely barf.
Laura: What’s LARPING?
Me: Live Action Roleplaying.
Tess: Like Dungeons and Dragons?
Lauren: You have to role play. Live action.
Tess: I’ve boffed. Is it like boffing?
Me: No, it’s –
Lauren: DO YOU ROLE PLAY? DO YOU YELL ‘TRUE MAGIC, TRUE MAGIC’? Then it’s not Larping.
Me: Tess, it’s like that movie Role Models.
Tess: Oh, I remember!
Lauren: Well. Yeah. I barfed while listening to Kelly Clarkson.
Me: How you doing?
Lauren: This is dangerous. I’m doing this for you.
Me: You’re doing this for my blog.
Lauren: I’m doing this for EVERYBODY.
10:37 – We finish playing every single level in Mario Kart. Lauren hiccups. She has a fourth of the bottle left. She has discovered that if she ‘aerates’ the sangria while it’s in her mouth, it tastes a little better.
10:40 – Lauren Z-snaps. She is unsure why.
11:03 – While we are in the kitchen, Lauren demands our attention. She proudly holds up an empty bottle. We congratulate her. Lauren doesn’t appear to be any drunker than she was when we began.
12:35 PM the next day:
In order to cap off this post, I texted Lauren this morning.
Me: I need an update for my blog. How did the wine treat you last night/this morning?
Lauren: fine! last night i got home and was talking to marina about how i didnt know if i was drunk or not. i was like…i drank a bottle of wine. if i am not drunk i need to reevaluate my life. then i slurred reevaulate so i was at least buzzed. life is good. the wine challenge though? never again.
Me: This is how you learn decision making skills!
Lauren: this is why i am not graduating yet! it is clearly not my time.