Dear The Sunshine,
Where have you been all my life?
No, seriously, The Sunshine, where have you been? I’m glad you’re here and all – I mean, you’re the only type of weather I really want to be around these days. But it’s May 17th* and you’re just now making an appearance?
Look, I told you Spring started on March 21st. I said, be here on time, I don’t want to spend a fortnight chilling with Uncomfortable Drizzle, and even though Wicked Rainstorm is exciting, there’s just like, a time and a place, you know? I was counting on you to show up and give me something to do. Go to the beach, play baseball, picnic outside, anything. But no. I was stuck with Uncomfortable Drizzle. I can’t do anything with Uncomfortable Drizzle. Spring has been sucking, The Sunshine, and then you just saunter in at half-past May and expect everyone to be happy? “Oooh, The Sunshine is here! Let’s all talk about The Sunshine! Let’s all do Sunshiney Stuff, because everything fucking revolves around The Sunshine.”
Not gonna happen.
You were late, The Sunshine. I mean seriously late with a capital ‘L’ and people are pissed. You’re about to walk into Spring and Spring is full of some very soggy folks who thought you were going to be around to get this season started. You better be on your A game, The Sunshine. If you’ve taken this long to get ready or whatever, you better be goddamn spectacular.
*must remember to cook the chicken in the fridge before today is over and it officially passes its expiration date.