In my Public Speaking class, we’ve been doing a series of demonstration speeches. Basically, somebody stands up and teaches a room of bored students how to knit a sweater like Grandma or do a totally sweet slam dunk. One of the girls today had the brilliant idea to teach everybody to make a ‘cheap trifle’, using berries, chunks of angel food cake, and vanilla pudding. To make the speech more interesting, she had everyone follow along with their own little baggies of ingredients that she put together. And then we ate them.
It was literally the best part of my day.
So after her speech, I start overhearing a conversation between the two guys that sit behind me. One is Hawaiian and likes to either wear tanktops to show off his tan, or wear Hawaiian shirts, straight from Hawai’i, to remind us that he is, in fact, Hawaiian. The other is a tall, broad shouldered youth with a crew cut and big, blue eyes that constantly seem a bit confused.
Tan Hawaiian: Dude, when are you going?
Crew Cut: Like, after the next guy. I’m last. I got one more like, between us.
Tan Hawaiian: Oh.
Here the Tan Hawaiian begins eagerly scarfing down the trifle he’d made. He reels back and rubs his belly with a sigh, but stops, noticing Crew Cut’s trifle still sitting on his desk.
Tan Hawaiian: Dude, don’t you like it?
Crew Cut: I can’t eat right now, man! I’m totally freaking out. I just gotta think about my intro. I keep fuckin’ up the…the internal preview thing when I do it in my head. I’m freaking out.
Tan Hawaiian: You’ll be fine, man. Eat the thing.
Crew Cut: No, dude! Shut up. I gotta think about my intro.
The Tan Hawaiian gazes sadly down at his empty trifle cup, and an idea blossoms somewhere between the collar of his Hawaiian shirt and the frosted tips of his hair. He glances sidelong at Crew Cut’s trifle, and he makes a quick evaluation of Crew Cut’s mood. Crew Cut, oblivious to these developments, nervously shuffled through his cue cards.
Tan Hawaiian: Here, gimme your thing.
Crew Cut: Why?
Tan Hawaiian: I’m gonna eat it.
Crew Cut: What? No, dude! You can’t have it. It’s mine.
Tan Hawaiian: You said you’re not gonna eat it, man, give it to me.
Crew Cut: No, I’m just THINKING, okay, I gotta focus. I’m gonna eat it when I’m done.
Tan Hawaiian: Bullshit. C’mon, it’s gonna like, go bad. The berries and stuff.
Crew Cut: GET OFF. IT’S MINE.
Tan Hawaiian: Just lemme have it.
Crew Cut: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY FUCKIN’ PARFAIT.
I don’t think they noticed me sniggering in the row in front of them.