O! Winsome purse!

05 Apr

I have been going around in circles the last few days trying to come up with something to say about my new purse and wallet, and folks, I’ve been coming up empty. How does one do a pithy, humorous post about perfection?

When I’m lacking inspiration in subjects like these, I tend to go hunting on the internet.  I’m less used to describing how much I like things than I am to cynically screaming at the weather in capslock, so this demand, this…complimenting…is stretching my literary muscles.  I sifted through the sonnets of the Bard, I waded through Donne, I combed through Bennett until I found her poem, ‘How Do I Love Thee’.  In rereading it, I realized that the lady was quite obviously talking about her own fabulous handbag, and if she felt so strongly about it, she wouldn’t mind me adapting it a bit to express my own new love.  However, I’m not a poet, so I’m using the handy Bulleted List format.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!

  • Thy gentle magnetic clasp, still a totally novel concept to me, but oh so convenient.
  • Thy color, o! supple green! Hue of summer and growing radiance and very underripe bananas.
  • Thy handy front pocket! Stylish, true, but a most perfect spot to keep my wallet, so I am not forced to tear through they depths in abject embarrassment, searching for a hidden I.D. or wad of cash.
  • Thy triple-inside-pocket, so I may shove mine receipts away without endangering the findability of mine IPod.
  • Thy moste affordable price, which was only I think $24.95 at Target.
  • Thy pleasing aesthetic, which makes me appear not a mere toddling lass nor a toothless hag.
  • Thy durable waterproof exterior.
  • Thy ability to carry and conceal three large bottles of liquor (mother, be not surprise-ed)
  • And gentle wallet! I have not forgotten thee! Thy purple hue is moste pleasing against the underripe banana of mine purse.
  • Thy snapping clasp makes me feel like a lady of the court, although any wallet that actually shut may have well produced the same effect.
I like to call this my 'Job-Getting Purse'.

I like to call this my 'Job-Getting Purse'.

Aw. I like to imagine that they're bestest friends.

Aw. I like to imagine that they're bestest friends.

The inside is actually the same lovely purple as the outside, though it's difficult to see here.  You CAN see my photo of the fam, just a bit!

The inside is actually the same lovely purple as the outside, though it's difficult to see here. You CAN see my photo of the fam, just a bit!

You know, I may have to change that banner again.  Every time I load the page, I kind of go, “BUH!  EYES!”  Tess assures me it’s fine, but for my own well being, it may need to be updated yet again.


Taylor:  “I’m glad you called.  I have some…some very bad news for you.”

Me:  “…oh?  What is it?”

Taylor:  “Your purse is ugly.”


Taylor:  “Sorry.  It’s disgusting.  That color…I threw up a little bit.”


Taylor:  “Nope.  Just telling you the truth.  You have bought the most hideous purse on the face of the planet.”

Me:  “I showed it to all of my friends.  They all think it’s cute.”

Taylor:  “So, three people think it’s cute.  Great.”

Me:  “Fuck you, darling.”

Taylor:  “I find it funny that you called it your Job Getting Purse.  Big market for the colorblind these days?”

Me:  *growls unintelligibly into the phone*

Taylor:  “Loooooove you.”


Posted by on April 5, 2009 in Life


Tags: , , ,

16 responses to “O! Winsome purse!

  1. lisa

    April 6, 2009 at 2:35 am

    Hehe bard meets blog meets bulleted lists, all coming together to celebrate the perfect purse. I’m glad you found one you’re so in love with! Purse-shopping is so much harder than shoe-shopping, it seems.

    • saturdayjane

      April 6, 2009 at 3:11 am

      I would agree with that! Mostly because I’m a one-purse kind of gal. I can get a few different pairs of shoes, but whatever purse I get will be my ALL THE TIME purse. 🙂

  2. James

    April 6, 2009 at 3:58 am

    It’s a very nice purse. That particular color may not be everybody’s cup of green tea, but it won’t make you look Christmasey with your red coat: not an easy feat for red and green.

    I think the eyes are balanced. Taylor’s are all WOAH INTENSE I’d better take this page SERIOUSLY, and then your eyes are all manic happy LET’S HAVE FUN!

    • saturdayjane

      April 6, 2009 at 5:09 am

      Thanks! The Christmas thing was a concern. I’m glad it won’t seem bizarre!

  3. Brittney

    April 6, 2009 at 6:30 am

    Good job on finding a grownup purse! It seems like you and it seems convenient, which really is ALL YOU NEED in a purse, no?

    hahahaa, I’m loving the conversation with Taylor.
    I totally had to do that to my Mom and Sister recently. Sister bought THE UGLIEST Jessica Simpson purse (UGH) (that everyone compliments for SOME REASON and I say it’s because they feel sorry for her) and Mom went out and bought a Jessica Simpson purse that was LIME GREEN YELLOW SNAKESKIN.


    She was all, “Looooook at my coool new purrrrrrrrrrrrrse”
    and I barfed on her.

    • saturdayjane

      April 6, 2009 at 11:18 pm

      Oh man, LIME GREEN YELLOW SNAKESKIN? Aw, that makes me sad inside. Your mom and sis usually have such good taste!

  4. Lesley Denford

    April 6, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    That most certainly IS a job-getting purse. Nicely done. The wallet is pretty spiffy too. 🙂

    • saturdayjane

      April 6, 2009 at 11:18 pm

      Thanks! I’m pretty fond of them!

  5. Vanessa

    April 6, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    The wallet is my favorite part, though I like the purse, too. I need a real wallet. The one I have now was actually destroyed years ago by two of my friends when we went out for ice cream. One of them had brought a silver sharpie and… well, my wallet is covered with hand-written lyrics to “A Hard Days Night” and a little conversation between them on the back. GREAT FRIENDS. Sigh. Though they did proceed to monogram my entire checkbook (kinda Louis Vuitton style), which I love. ANYWAY, yeah, I need a real wallet that doesn’t make me look like a freak when I whip it out in the grocery store, so I’m jealous.

    • saturdayjane

      April 6, 2009 at 11:19 pm

      Haha, oh, that’s pretty hilarious! I loved that you have your own monogrammed checkbook. Everybody should do that! 😀

  6. rubybastille

    April 6, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Haha, actually the eyes kind of freak me out too. Taylor’s all “BACK THE @*$& OFF” and I’m like “but I just want to check the blog!”

    • saturdayjane

      April 6, 2009 at 11:20 pm

      Haha, thank you for validating my decision. I think I AM going to change it. 😉

  7. amanda

    April 8, 2009 at 1:39 am

    I almost bought that purse! Except in turquoise.
    The conversation with Taylor is hilarious, even though he’s totally wrong.
    The purse is damn cute, and it’s definitely a conversation-starter. I recently bought my own Job Getting Purse — it’s bright fuchsia and slightly doctor’s bag-style. I figure if someone won’t hire me because I carry a bright coloured bag, then I didn’t want to work for them anyway!

    • saturdayjane

      April 8, 2009 at 2:05 am

      I saw it in turquoise and I loved it! I think ultimately I’m just a greener girl. 🙂

      I like your fuschia philosophy! Anyone who can’t handle your awesome style sense doesn’t DESERVE you!

      You oughta post pictures of that purse sometime! I am uber curious!

  8. Jenny

    April 10, 2009 at 4:45 am

    I definitely think Taylor’s wrong 🙂 That purse is awesome. And any purse that can hold multiple bottles of alcohol (like my purse’s 2 bottles of wine capacity) is incredibly useful!

    • saturdayjane

      April 9, 2009 at 11:36 pm

      Haha! Especially if it can secure them without their clanking around.


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