Dear College Professor

30 Mar

Dear College Professor,

Please consider this an official Notice Of Spite.

It has come to my attention that you conscientiously refuse to acknowledge the existence of Spring Break.  We would like to remind you that Spring Break is a commonly accepted Calenderial Event.  It is employed by the school system in a careful attempt to prevent pressured Creative Writing majors from going completely round the bend and smashing in every windshield on campus with a garden hoe while singing “Don’t Stop Believing” and barking at innocent bystanders.  Thus far, it has proved a worthwhile addition to the college schedule.

In choosing to assign ten hours of work during the Spring Break period, we can only assume that you are enacting a passive  objection to Spring Break by simply refusing to use the time for its intended purpose.  In fact, by assigning specifically ten hours of work (the amount of time you recommended spending on this particular assignment) you have officially exceeded the number of hours normally spent in your classroom per week.  In addition to the complaints produced by the time commitment, we are also disturbed by the nature of the assignment.  After scrutinizing your syllabus and the grading criteria, we are unable to discern any real academic merit or purpose behind it.  It is unconscionable that you would voice your disagreements with a scheduled recess in this manner.

After great consideration,  we hereby refuse to acknowledge your non-acknowledgement of Spring Break.

Put simply, I am refusing to do your bullshit busywork assignment on principle.  Stick it, lady.

Love, Jessica


Posted by on March 30, 2009 in Letters


Tags: , ,

8 responses to “Dear College Professor

  1. Sal

    March 30, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Want me to bust her kneecaps? I totally will, ya know.

    • saturdayjane

      March 30, 2009 at 3:25 pm

      Aw! You can always measure how a good a friend is by how many whacks she’s willing to issue. 😀

  2. Vanessa

    March 30, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    I briefly wondered if you were assigned to write a spiteful letter, but not only would that not take 10 hours, it would also make me really sad if this wasn’t real, genuine spite. Also, please tell me you passed this in in place of your assignment and she totally gave you an A for Amazing.

    • saturdayjane

      March 30, 2009 at 7:47 pm

      I assure you, the spite is real! I was not brave enough to actually hand it in in place of the assignment, though. The teacher is the kind who would not take kindly to creative disagreement, and I’m still trying to graduate this year. 😉

  3. lisa

    March 30, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    Bwah! I wish I’d had the courage to write something like this to a douchebag prof I had in my final year.

    • saturdayjane

      March 30, 2009 at 7:48 pm

      You know, I think there are significantly more college douchebags profs than highschool douchebag teachers. Or maybe the decrease in douchebag students from highschool to college just highlights the consistent douchery of faculty in general.

      Sounds like it’s time for a scientific study. 🙂


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