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Dear A Woman’s World

09 Mar

Dear A Woman’s World,

I get what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to buddy up to me with your animated web series, trying to get me to buy your delicious, delicious veggie chips, but it’s not working. You assume you know me, A Woman’s World, but you don’t.

Yes, I’m a woman.

No, I don’t have a skinny mirror. No, I don’t cry when my hair stylist leaves town. No, I don’t bat my eyelashes at every guy with a nice figure. No, I don’t bat my eyelashes, PERIOD. I don’t count calories like I’m dying. I don’t push away my screaming chlidren. I don’t get off on my cell phone’s vibration setting, and I don’t use a goddamn thighmaster. I’m a woman, not a moron, thank you very much, and apparently A Woman’s World is populated only with asshats and self-centered douchebags.

If you’re going to claim to represent woman of every size, shape and color (which I’m assuming you do, with your very politically correct blonde woman, black woman, asian woman, and redhead) then maybe take a second to actually learn about what women do.

A great woman is creative, funny, resourceful, brilliant, and giving. She sets out to do what is important to her, and doesn’t let anything stop her. Maybe she’s a stellar stay-at-home mom. Maybe she’s the owner of her own small business. Maybe she’s president of a global company or founder of a charity. A Woman’s World is about optimism and pushing towards the future and acknowledging every part of ourselves and how it makes us beautiful and meaningful and worthy of our own ambitions.

It’s not about being fat and chasing husbands.

So get your shit together, A Woman’s World. I may buy your veggie chips, but only because they are VERY VERY DELICIOUS. You don’t represent me or any of the dazzling, powerful women I know.

Figure it out.

Love,
Jessica

PS:Β  I know you’re a cartoon.Β  Yes, I am probably taking you too seriously.

PPS: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT CANKLES.

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16 Comments

Posted by on March 9, 2009 in Letters

 

Tags: , ,

16 responses to “Dear A Woman’s World

  1. lisa

    March 9, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    I’ve never heard of this brand before. Your open letter makes me curious about the cartoons and the chips. πŸ™‚

     
    • saturdayjane

      March 10, 2009 at 7:14 am

      The chips are Flat Earth brand, and I won’t deny that they’re amazing. I can eat an entire bag in one sitting (which defeats the purpose entirely). The cartoons though, make me want to spontaneously grow a penis and disavow any knowledge of women, if THAT’S what women are supposed to be. πŸ˜‰

       
  2. Shannon

    March 9, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    Agreed!
    Very good letter, well written.
    I like!
    <3sc

     
    • saturdayjane

      March 10, 2009 at 7:11 am

      Thanks much! I appreciate it!

       
  3. amanda

    March 10, 2009 at 4:03 am

    The first “Women’s World” video I watched opened with a woman on a Thighmaster chanting “BIKINI. BIKINI.” My sigh was epic. My rage was limitless.

     
    • saturdayjane

      March 10, 2009 at 7:13 am

      We have systematically forced everybody who comes into our apartment to witness that commercial, in all its stereotypical intensely offensive horror. I’m starting to feel like everybody ought to experience it, just so that they can look at themselves and say, “Thank God, at least I’m not one of those shallow, repugnant ladies.”

       
  4. Kim

    March 10, 2009 at 4:35 am

    I was hoping that someone would make a comment about those stupid commercials. They are completely insulting and embarassing. Who is amused by those commercials? I guess the same folks that liked Cathy and Sex and the City…

     
    • saturdayjane

      March 10, 2009 at 7:11 am

      Augh, at least Cathy and the Sex and the City ladies had careers! Thus far, I haven’t seen the Women’s World ladies have any yet.

      I’m actually quite gratified you’ve seen the commercials! I was hoping somebody had. SOMEBODY WHO COULD SHARE MY FURY. πŸ˜‰

       
  5. Mellissa Forget

    March 10, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    There was definately a head shake when that commercial came on. They aired the first one in a series of segments over a half hour television show. I believe I did a *hand, face* motion.
    The sad thing is, commercials like that to not make me want to go anywhere near their products.

     
    • saturdayjane

      March 10, 2009 at 5:14 pm

      Aw, the first one I got on television was all in a big two minute chunk. We were all “WHAT IS THIS AND WHY ISN’T IT ENDING.”

      I agree about the product thing! I used to love Arby’s but since that obnoxious commercial where the guy gets an ‘Arby’s boner’ for his wife in the waitress costume, I can’t stand to eat there. 😦

       
  6. Brittney

    March 10, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    Hahaha, I love you Jess.

    And you’re so right.

     
    • saturdayjane

      March 10, 2009 at 5:14 pm

      I love you too! πŸ˜€

       
  7. Jennie

    March 10, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    BIOLAGE!

     
  8. Jennie

    March 10, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    oopsie. That comment was meant for the shampoo. Comment fail. Sorry!

     
    • saturdayjane

      March 10, 2009 at 11:36 pm

      Hehe, no problem. I’ll have to look into Biolage! IT’s good, then?

       

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