I am pretty much a hobbit.
I am not saying this as any sort of insult to hobbits. Peace, my tiny brothers! I am of your people! My father’s name is even Bill Bagley, the obvious modern equivalent of Bilbo Baggins. I am just trying to provide reference for my own stubbitude, although reference may not be necessary. I am five foot one. I am pink-cheeked, shaggy-haired, curvy-round, and the tops of my feet have a fine peach fuzz growing on them. I look very much like I popped out of a hole in Middle Earth and I am on my way to second breakfast.
I don’t actually mind this. I love my height, and I think my shape is adorable (I’m kind of like an hourglass that somebody dropped a bowling ball on). I am able to fit in many small places, and rarely have to duck when walking under low-hanging branches. However, my size makes fashion difficult. According to the industry, people my size don’t exist. I can either have a proper waistband and hems that drag in the dirt, or proper hems and a waistband that slowly removes my ability to bear children. It doesn’t help that most designers think ‘petite’ is French for ‘shaped like an anvil’.
Oddly enough, I’ve noticed this hobbit style problem much less with things like pants and shirts, and much more with purses.
I desperately need a new purse. My old one looks like this:
I’ve had it for several years. It’s almost exactly like the purse I had before that, except for the burgundy. I thought the burgundy was a pretty crazy move (although the uh camo belt? felt like an obvious decision). Next, I thought, possibly I would bust out some pants that weren’t corduroy. Or a shirt that fit. But I think I’ve grown up enough that I can actually get a real purse. I mean, I have a pair of long black pants. I have a button-down shirt. I have a pair of SEXY BOOTS, even. And now I can get a purse that makes a statement.
Secret: I want it to be shiny.
And uh cheap, because dammit I can’t shell out eighty bucks for a purse.
In my mind, ‘Statement Making’ means bright purple and shiny enough to signal a satellite, but as I’ve been roaming the internet looking for bags I like, I’ve been discovering some pretty bold pieces of different kinds.
I really love these:
The potential problem with these bags is that, considering how short and stumpy my body is, a normal sized purse makes me look like a turtle drowning in its own shell. That green one looks especially appealing…I kind of dig the retro feel. But my shopping method includes at least a month of waffling around my choices and being dissatisfied with every available option, followed by a few weeks of optimism and three more months of despair, and maybe throw in a year of uncertainty before I make a purchase.
If I start that now, I should have a new purse in time for the apocalypse.