Dear Dangly Peacock Necklace,
I love you. I just wanted to start out with that, because I’m gonna say a lot of stuff today, and I just want you to know that it’s coming out of a place of love. Love and a slight irritation, but mostly love. I mean, you know I think you’re sexy. I wouldn’t have even gone up to you when I saw you at Icing, except that Tess told me, “Not many people could pull that off, but YOU COULD.” I was flattered into thinking I was in your league, Dangly Peacock Necklace. But it’s not true.
Let’s face it. You and I are nothing alike. You, with your long gold chain, fanciful peacock feather, charm-bracelet style hangers-on, you are a whole level of foxy that I’m not sure I can approach. I am currently in a pair of pink plaid pajama pants that have been stained from where I’ve wiped foundation on them, and, surprise surprise, Ugly Flannel. Do you see the discrepancy here?
And don’t misunderstand me. This isn’t like my relationship with Little Blue Dress. Little Blue Dress and I hang out now and again, and we have a lot of fun, but you…Dangly Peacock Necklace, I thought we could go all the way. When I saw you, I thought, “This is forever,” but I was wrong.
I’m not saying that we need to stop seeing each other. I’m just saying that right now, at this moment, we have no real opportunity to see each other. And I’m willing to fix this problem. I just need to know what to do! So tell me. Do I need to wear more dresses? Show off my Sexy Boots more often? Actually put makeup on in the morning? What? What do I need to do to make this work, Dangly Peacock Necklace?
Because seriously, I want to see you everyday, and at the rate we’re going now, that’s just not going to happen.
We’ll get through this, Dangly Peacock Necklace.